They keep trying to hypnotize me sexually and act annoying like they are mimicking someone else acting like it's obvious my life is shit.  They just make me shit like this.

Now, they are "taking in stride" I felt violent in some way when they said they took back something big, with someone.

I can't stand how they always get me in trouble for stupid reasons no one else does.

The people monitoring me in private think they can be mad at me.

The cars outside keep acting like they are disciplining me and seem like disgusting worthless people.

They're going crazy because I had a problem and thought of the K word.

A car acted stupid saying "I didn't know [she] was ever grounded," like I have to fuck myself.

So what if I think of a bad word once in awhile by accident ... but also while being attacked incessantly?  How can I stop?  I don't think so altogether, but new vocabulary comes in.

These people just drop in shit for my mixed race and go.  They mimic me as tacky and shamed.

They keep bothering me and ruining it.  I accidentally thought of the K word with them because they kept bothering me when I had to leave my dad because he was being so annoying without stop and I accidentally thought of the N word.

They keep acting like she's needy rather than a nice person I know.

They said I did something so bad that an older lady I like has to be all wiped out in hair color.

I think my dad wants us to just feel knocked out pleasure by him like we're stupid in an offensive way and sniffs out of we ever speak to another soul or something.

What do you have to offer?  Me in trouble?

The people monitoring me in private make icons on my computer blink to make me think of something of someone.

They said I "can't speak" to some people like I'm different.

It's hard to function because I can hear the cars outside too often making sounds that sound like words like they're just there to bother me.

I can't even step out of bed and "make it."

They're "busy" making up rules for me.  How worthless so many people are!

Why are there people outside taking the liberty to call me... "but not matter what she does she cannot teach, she is a nigger to a one thousand."  And I had the people monitoring me in private I think say, "I just did a nigger," about me.  They are wrong.  They ruined my life, and I even said they don't have to do it.

Supposedly, my dad's younger sister, the older of the two, her husband keeps acting suggestive to an older lady I like, like he's the hero, acting like she should feel tortured in some weird way sometimes.  She was caught with people being mean to me while not seeing me and wasn't really being mean to me in that way, and he didn't really care.

You know, I get thrown ideas of emotional torture and inner turmoil if I get at all upset physically or think of a bad word.

They keep acting like I'm talking to them.

What don't some people understand?  You're wasting my time.  Don't you have to follow any rules?

They keep ruining an older lady I like and my life.  They made it worse for no reason.

I think I've been cut off like I'm a bad person.

Why kid with me?  Later, you (whoever you is) will say, "What does it look like?" like they mean it, FYI (for your information.)

They keep trying to get me mad at an older lady I like saying they're the messenger, and it's confusing what she thinks...  It's still a problem and getting worse.

People are acting like they know what's wrong in my private life and threatening me like I was the one who was mean.

They keep acting cute coming back to annoy me more.

My dad acted like because I was upset and it leaked physically and I kept being attacked and other things that his younger sister, the older one, was liked better for a certain thing by an older lady I like.

What do the people monitoring me in private or involved think I am, a piece of shit, like I'm gonna sit here and let this happen to my life? and listen to the stupid little mini series against me?

They're threatening me how they'll stimulate someone I like.

They keep getting involved and doing weird things.

The people monitoring me in private are reacting inappropriately.

So, they fixed something only to let Mommy let them mess it up again/more.

They are acting like I did something wrong and ruining my life and singling me out and testing me.

The people monitoring me in private or involved keep doing stupid things, like worry I'm not good enough or worthy.

People took a viscous turn and said I simply do something to others like they can't do anything.

It's like I owe her because I got off my relationship with others.

It's like the older lady I like is acting like people being stupid to me is good for some crazy reason.

So, they're saying in pleasure the older lady I like is not my relationship because of all this shit, like nothing ever was, and they won't shut up like my happiness is their business.

They said an older lady I like just went and reacted to what I said and said I didn't matter or something and like she can just force me to be with others in ways I dislike.

They're going crazy with "what's possible" to make bad things happen.

They just keep abusing me and saying it's my fault I'm in trouble.  What crazy people need to get a life.

They keep saying it's over with my relationship.

They have a neverending supply of abuse somehow they blame me for.

I heard a car outside admit my dad's younger sister, the older of the two, just make up something I lost in a relationship like they can't keep off.

They come up with stupid ideas when it comes to them judging how much I like someone.

So, why do I get worse and worse and others get whatever they want if they can?

People even admit that the ability for me to be annoyed means I did something wrong a little recently.

So, what, forget it, my dad's gonna get worse?

When I'm having problems, they selfishly make people I know have problems.

It feels like some people are just sitting there stupidly and won't go away.

They just keep bothering me and listening to my dad.

They keep bothering me with people I meet going psycho.

They ruin my life and relationships and think they are there to replace it for me by annoying me every time the page loads on the computer or something or maybe.

I can't relax now because the world is gonna do something if I show any physical sign of anger even alone or in a way with my family.

My life is ruined for like 14 years.

The people monitoring me in private keep bothering me.  I was just sitting here and they woke me back up to their world of crap for me.

My dad wants to control me because he's bored and upset.

So, they like to tease you when you settle down and your problem comes up like you had accepted it when you said you were retracting from these things.

Everyone goes around subduing their knowledge of an older lady I met, but it's still there, and I still get in trouble.

My dad thinks he says something and he's not responsible and sometimes that an older lady I like should be responsible for what comes out of him and how he acts around me.

They are interrupting me.

The people monitoring me in private are being mean.

So, they don't answer, like I can't do anything, why my dad's younger sister, the older of the two, is ni my life like this, ruining it.

They are acting like they totaled someone I know because either they exploited them or the person themself did.

They just keep bothering me cuz it's their job and they get paid for it.

I had to reassure myself that I have a dislike for my little brother trying to be annoying to me and saying I'm not good.  Who is anyone to say that?

I went out with my dad today and was mistreated and thought of the word "nigger" once and so the rest of the trip was miserable, like I did something.

I guess it's not just the world hates me but what I'm stuck with, the strange discipline from my dad at age 33 and the people that adhere to this with me, which is a lot.

People control my life and don’t listen.

They just keep saying to ruin my life and include an older lady I like in their trouble.

They lied again and got away with it.

Why is my relationship with an older lady said not to be as valid?

They keep tracking me like I’m bad.

They keep taking more of my relationship away.

I don’t trust the racism leading to incompetence in dealing with me, of like the people monitoring me in private. They have their moments like they have to and are preventing me from talking to real people and judging me on the inside to punish me for weird things.

People all babies someone they found was nice to me, an older lady. Then they blew steam like it’s a majo catastrophe as though she especially was not babied enough and to blame me again!

The people monitoring me in private keep hurting me like when I think I’m safe snd going to do something.

My dad’s younger sister, the older of the 2, didn’t care she made me lose focus at my texting speed.

Why are certain people pretending to be in my life all of a sudden and stealing attention I get?

They're even making up problems to feel something.

They keep destroying my relationship.  They have my dad's younger sister, the older of his 2 sisters, like she might be playing around with my relationship and blaming me for being on her bad list.

Orlando keeps moving along wearing and tearing at my relationship with an older woman, though the people involved monitoring me in private shouldn't listen.

They are listening to a new person being mean to me.

So, the people monitoring me in private and involved are worsening my relationship with an older lady I like, making her "change."

I think I'm in trouble for posting anything about an older lady I like being inappropriately stimulated by the whole world all the time and some of our relationship decreasing in a way.

They act interested in me but in the end cut me off because they have nothing to offer maybe and don't like my mixed race.

Why are the cars outside going crazy damning my relationship?

So, I guess you can't get close to most people, in the end.  Act really nice at a peak point and then they'll stop being as friendly and turn you away.

So, why are people grouping me with mean people?

So, it doesn't matter if someone is nice to me because someone else will find out and speak up and pipe up and speak their mind.

My life is illogically knocked off like I "did something" and "don't matter."

Sometimes, my dad isn't okay for me to be around.  What do I do?  Sometimes, I need the kitchen, and it's right with the living room, where my brother reclines on the couch like things are okay for him, though, until he sees me and seems upset.

So what, my life could be messed up.

This is so worthless now.

People are going psycho being mean to me because I was upset something happened forever for the first time, like this.  Get a life.

So, why is it always I did something wrong? since Hillary lost herself the Presidency.

So I'm worthless compared to other people?

So, then, what happened to me?

...and it's an excuse for a punishment from any old thing

Why should this matter if I don't matter to me?

So, I shouldn't be upset because you don't care if it's real?

The older lady I know keeps having problems.

They think if I get something I can't get anything else but others do.

Once I say what they say doesn't even matter, they will come back like a "headless chicken" running around, no offense with that symbol.

They say because the older lady is nice to me that she is the good one and I am the bad one.

If people involved monitoring me in private know what I mean, they don't care.

They are acting sneakily like an older lady I know gets anything she likes and others get "put down."

I guess whoever it is or whatever it is is just gonna sit there and act stupid like an animal and not say anything but not stop.

Well, nothing happened and it may not be okay.

They are ruining my day and I may not be okay and reach my goals and live okay in life and I'll be blamed.

This is another "first."

So, the older lady I know got all this attention because I got to know here but I can't because she's messed up now.

The people monitoring me in private keep being mean to me like it's a joke they can just do it whenever and it'll be better.

My dad won't stop ruining my life because the people monitoring me in private don't like me posting on a problems blog.  Someone I know seems to have acted like at some point had to give up on our relationship to a degree and hand over my secretes to others to irritate me.  I can't say what he did cuz the messages keep coming more and are like stupid but seem to have terminated my relationship and her being okay, though she is in on it.

I keep being made to look bad around other people just because people think they have the excuse that I'm in trouble.

They break big promises.

People think I have to worship people acting like brats because they are incompetent and think they caught me not being perfect a little.  I don't agree with them.

I went from being liked to being put in the position of begging.

They are threatening me in a gay way, like if anything comes up.

The people monitoring me in private are pushing me to be unhappy and like I can't blog what I want of my problems.

Why is it just getting worse?

Why do the people monitoring me in private seem unnecessarily anti-functional?  I think what I think, and they both take it the wrong way and don't accept my subconscious gloss-overs.  They make up things about me.  They also act like I'm an awkward person when they have a negative message to send.

I'm just saying.  I don't mean to make things worse because I said this.  Also, I still am taking it that someone I know isn't really the one being mean to me, unlike most kinds of people.

Small to Big

It's fine whatever anyone wants, but something's the matter.

Giving up on the World, "at Least in Some Way" or Some of It

It's weird not being able to communicate and being emotionally abused where I live.

"Don't be stupid, you know I love you."

I don't want to act stupid like the other people, whatever she is enjoying.

Knowing Her

Other people know more about her than she does maybe, at least in some ways that are different from non-famous people.  I don't know why they think they really have something.  Some of this is not really as fun, but my life I keep trying to make better and better otherwise at least.

"Off?"

What, was this supposed to be "off" all along, or is it something silly?

Well

People are up to no good analyzing her.

"Better?"

How is the cause of this better?

Not "Out" "in Trouble"

I said what I said I'm not "out" all of a sudden now.  I mean, I feel like me saying so makes me in trouble just because of the change.

Denied

I think I was made out to be denied by the older lady and she will sorta assimilate with this.  First, she was nice, and then she acted like I had hope of being known for where I'm from but hat it's over if she wins that one spot after pretty much having the rest of the world taken from me, but she said she was only supposed to do that because I would know other real people including her, mainly, instead, she said so sorta symbolically or telepathically.  However, it's been longer than before knowing her and I don't know her or anyone.  If you are really wondering for some strange reason, I mean yes I know other people to different degrees and live "at home" with my dad and a little brother, my only sibling.

"Be Happy"

I want to be happy and for her, but something "smells fishy."

Why would I be in trouble with this older lady I had an affinity with?

I was okay even if the older lady said no to me... but it's like now I'm in trouble, and I didn't do anything wrong, just not all about presentation without content like most people.

People pretty much went crazy and lost it because she became popular through my fame and because they blamed me that Hillary didn't win the Presidency of the US.  People "came out" and said she was more sex.  I wasn't hated, unpopular, disliked, inappropriate.  It's just that in Orlando everyone gets ticked off right away, and "somehow" the world just knows this.

Attacking Me

It's true, the people monitoring my life in conjunction with many others are ruining my life because I do have problems with someone I know and it might be because of this.

Why are the people involved monitoring my life serving Central Florida? because they're being stupid and selfish.  It's supposedly just in case they are mean, but they don't deserve this.

What if that's why and they don't have to do it for any reason other than that it's a collective excuse that is given to someone I wanted this relationship with because they said it was okay?  They are pretending it has to be forced.

Are you talking at me?  I don't care if you think I should be punished because you're being supported acting like an airhead.  How dare you all speak to me that way!

I should take it as people got me in trouble with an older lady I find nice who was social with me.

I wonder why the older lady more likes people who are popular because I know England said that, too.  It wasn't the typical friend or nice person, who Europeans could express an interest in or bring themselves to assimilate with in the end in ways they wanted.  So, aren't the popular people a mistake to talk to if they are bad too?  If you could accept everyone, why not me?  Other Asians can be accepted, even.  I have a hard time being a Eurasian.  👿

"Things should be getting better."

Things are supposed to be getting better, if anyone can grasp what that concept might mean, these days.

I keep getting in trouble, though, when I didn't do anything wrong, just like it's the goal to find some excuse that I can't have relationships with people I like and especially a certain person I thought liked me or said they did.

Why is the focus on Orlando?  "Orlando" could care less.

I'm often dealing with trouble, without explanation.  Is this some game or saying I do that when I don't but in some related way that doesn't relate in that way?

I keep getting these messages in private that's ruining my life, still.  Just look back at how crappy my life is for what it's worth.

Something Different

Something different with the relationship I am in now is that she really said she'd "do it" or have a relationship in real life in a way she concocted.  I think that's one reason, people think unknowingly, that it's raised a lot of eyes.

However, just give people the material and hypnotize them in some gay secret code, and they'll all attack when I'm encouraged by anyone in life and for this relationship, like it's some big sin and I "should've said no" when the relationship didn't want me to.  Actually, I'm in big trouble for doing anything like drawing back for other reasons sometime, but I also get the opposite message in what I was saying in general in this.  So, you're wrong because I always was accepted before this.  People have reasons to be against me, but I always felt like a "6th sense" they didn't really care about me.  They seem delusional, distracted, preoccupied, and disconnected.  So, are these people an excuse? them for me not having a good relationship?  I think it's too late to say it's okay.

Just 1 More Thing "in the Way"

So, I noticed one thing that I can't "meet" or "connect" with people because I'm being monitored in private, and they can "change" people out of my reach I would have otherwise had a good exchange or relationship with.

I didn't even want this mess, and it's costing me with people other than my parents and ones I like a lot.  I like the "experiment" or being monitored in private, but it seems like it's costing me a lot for now.  Of course, no one has to do it, though.  It's like I can't meet people, though, and people are pretending I would have relationships, like in the world, and teasing me like I'd accept like it's bad.

My Little Brother - an Enigma and Admitted/Urgent Concern

The first thing I wondered was when my mom seemed to eat too much noodle soup with me when she was pregnant with him.

Then, he came out fat with dark eyes and hair that lightened.  He was all red.  Still, didn't make him "better" than me.  I was still good, it seemed.

My dad used to hold him while he waited with me at my preschool.  I thought my dad stimulated him sexually and he was knocked out forever.

My mom had a friend who was also Chinese-Indonesian from Michigan, a state in the Mid Northern US.  I thought he had a funny experience last we visited, and then we never knew them again.

At some point in school, there was an Asian lady at school named "Miss Coo" I think who was fun, but it seemed like my brother felt she was too suggestive that she watched him.