So, still, they are doing things to me I can't live with.

So, they are messed up from the start, saying it's okay to hurt me socially, emotionally, etc.  They think they need to affect my relationship negatively a lot with an older lady, pretending it doesn't matter, when what I do does minutely but I'm not helped so much in a way.

So, did you know they acted like someone was bothering me while someone else was being elated in some way that was against me, like the opposite, for a silly reason?

They have all this on schedule, but I wonder what was affected negatively.  They think they are so cool.  They have certain people doing it, too, like "real people" who aren't monitoring me in private. They are messed up, like it's okay if it's me, like "taking advantage of" my good nature.  I'm not sure why I was in that much trouble to begin with.  Was it just because of my dad?  Strangers don't do it who are nice, too, though.  I think I already seem to have automatically taken that into consideration.  I know people seem to make it worse like they're on schedule, like my dad can trust anyone to do anything for him because he is whiter than me, people go by.

I have been trying to forget about it, as I'm not supposed to be posting about this to them.  It came up and things got in the way.

Sometimes, this gives me an outlet.  I can post my real feelings on my regular blog, unless it's something like this.  It would clutter up my blog, as it always has.  It sees like I'm posting less and less here.

I think the older lady I like is in some position against me, put there too.  Oh well?  What can you do?  Does it matter still, like I say?  I don't want to be on people's bad lists, even if I don't talk to them.

So, let's hope for a good time and things we like.

I had trouble finding some way to tweak what I said.  I couldn't see what was wrong except people think they know what I really think.

So, you all want to know what I think about something?  It seemed like the trouble was amp'ed and I was sick of it being my life or for me to follow on autopilot, what could go wrong?

Delayed Response

Much of Central Florida seems not to be worthwhile with their delayed response like they have a brain or care sometimes.

"...and a cherry on top!"

I realize we have problems, but Central Florida just wants to make it worse and come off innocent and still in the way at the end.

They're being sneaky ruining my relationship.

Why did they say something stupid, claiming the older lady I like is responsible?

They think I'm more perverted than other Asians or mixed Asians.  It was in the context to get away with something.  It's something specific, not the obvious confession.

Someone is threatening the older lady I like to a gradual early death.

Why do I hear some or most/all of the cars outside ruining my life?

I'm not here to go through this useless drama.  I had goals.  Perhaps, people who have already achieved a goal think I'm awkward to have any left to fulfill, like it doesn't exist for anyone to have goals anymore after they have achieved one.

I am just in limbo with people ruining an older lady they like.  Isn't it gay how they think they're a part of my life, when they are just mad at me?  How can they just tell me what to do and think they get away with it?  This has gone on indefinitely.

You know, it's funny they think they can do whatever they want to me and it's okay if they're wrong, like everything is anyway, but single me out like I'm bad to get upset on my blog like this.

It's what "they" are, it won't be solved, not so much now at least.  They are just that way.  That's what they do.  It's not something the did.

They just can't stop thinking I'm in trouble and swearing just the older lady I like is being mean.

Explanation

"They" were going crazy hiding that they thought I was no good, holding me like a hostage, while they pampered an older lady I like in some opposing fashion.  I didn't even mean to bring it up, though, but they are challenging me like, "Oh, I know why," but they just disagree.  They can't leave my relationship be.  I'm not the trouble of the world that deserves to be miserable over all socially.

If anything, they want to do this ceremonially and like a party like Mardi Gras but not quite right.  I wonder why me being in trouble comes in the bundle because I disagree "on that note."  Maybe, it made it worse for whatever was taking place here.

I hear cars outside saying the older lady I like is ruining my life.

I sense some people being crazy.

They are hurting me because they don't like what I post my blogs.  The older lady is supposedly a disappointment inflicting me and the people monitoring me in private sending stupid messages.

They keep acting like something big happened and I'm tired of this.

Those wining cars!

What's with the complacency with me going around?  Are you just trying to get some action and get me in trouble with the older lady I like, just an unimportant inconvenience?

So, you wanted me to sit here muddled out or reflect on trash.

People think they ended generations because of me...

They are posing like they are okay, aha ha ha.  That's if I'm in trouble.

Everyone is still waiting for my next reaction A.K.A. for me to "make a move."

Like, I go back to thinking and feeling something and realize people are watching me and tempering me around the globe in disgraceful and unforgivable way.

It's a little sick the conditions I'm kept in and the way the older lady I like is pampered with exploitation over, away from, and negatively in relation to me.

Why can people who barely know me, which is everyone, like "court" the older lady I like?

The people monitoring me in private like to reinterpret what I mean if it draws a picture as a message that is sort of watermarked to mean something else to get across what everyone knows anyway what I really feel, with a secret message or whipping message.

So, I'm being sacrificed and enslaved to the exploited pleasure of the older lady I like.

I feel I'm being done things against.  They fly through the cracks.

Why did these "bad" people, in Orlando, have to ruin it for me?

I'm hurt.

The cars outside are picky.  They were hypnotized.

I see you all didn't.

I asked politely.

No, this is all I get sometimes, unless I drown it out by speaking to someone.

Why is this okay?  What if it happened to you?

It seems like things took off like I'm a werewolf.

So, I found what we were looking for, now what do we do?

Oh, so the problem comes from where the problem is.

If the older lady people claim not to like me and I need to know, then why would she care?  The only issue was I wasn't her mom.

I can still be in a relationship at the dumped stage.

I think I was dropped, or dumped.  That or people are just shit to me.

Why are older people stealing my relationships? or rather my relationship with an older lady I like?

Is anyone else's life on track?  Does it matter???

Why isn't my life on track?

I don't really enjoy these puzzles, I hate them like demonic presence.

Ha ha, some joke, nothing matters.

This has been a nasty experience.  People just can't "forget it."

I feel too tense, like a robot.

Why make her forget about me?  Must be convenient, then, to get by but "walking over" me.

It looks like Orlando "spoiled" her in this perspective.

I thought she didn't do that part, not everyone does.

They think I was trying to go against the older lady, but she can't "think about" what I said.  So, they took it for what they knew I felt.

So, the older lady is going against me, the cars said.

Oh, why does the lady need to go against me?

"This is so stupid."  This is just some Ring Around the Rosie.

Why are the people outside swearing the older lady just threatened me to death?

I keep hearing cars outside, and now I'm being threatened when I open up and talk and feel okay because they know how badly I really feel about their shit.  They said I'm upset with the older lady because she feeds them everything they say.

Okay, they are trying to get me to always think of someone, but I can't seem to stop it.  It's just better than if it were someone else, in this aspect of it.

This isn't the experience, sorta the opposite.

(continued)

It's not something you do, it's all you can ever be, "no pun intended."

So, fine, speak English, you all are a problem.

The people monitoring me in private just reported the older lady I like just stupidly threatened me using death as an example.

They keep acting like all the time someone is talking to me, but if I go with it and ignore it they'll say it's to ruin it for me and say I'm bunched together with them like I'm just trash to the older lady I like.  She supposedly didn't have problems with me, but I keep getting this shit.  I wasn't gonna post about it, but "the natives are getting restless."

People keep going psycho with these secret messages about an older lady I like.  The people monitoring me in private are watching me to see if I think something they don't want me to, like it's my little way of communicating to the world.

They're inconveniencing me... or will later if not now, like if I say what they did.  It's probably because my mom died they do anything they want.

They won't stop.  I need to get this to stop.

I need some flexibility.  They're not "Grammarly."  So what if I don't usually address my posts to "you?"  It's my thing.

Why do they think they can do this?

They are trying to get attention and seem to have too much time to waste.

I'm sick of all these stupid suppositions.  I find myself here posting problems.

They just keep making my life worse and worse.  It might be other people's faults, too.  However, they might just be abusing me, whatever the reason.  That's just what some people out there are, interjections to ruin a happier life.

They won't stop making a big deal out of that I addressed my posts saying, "You."

Nothing big just happened... and here we are.

The people monitoring me in private are upset because I said "you" in the past here.  They're making a big deal of it, like I have to go back and erase yet another thing in this trash blog.

So, what if it wasn't the public but that people were hypnotized by these people?  Then, I'm to put up with this.  I think the only problems were 1 that my dad has a grudge on me and 2 I'm not as motherly with excuses like being from an abused generation, being mixed race, being from a strange family apparently, etc.

The people who keep interjecting me somehow, like how the computer loads and little ticking noises sometimes, and monitoring me in private ... keep acting like my dad or to settle him and I feel like I'm suffocating.  It kinda abhors me that other people would never have to go through this.  I just got ticked, and no I'm not talking about "the starving kids in Africa" or "bad parenting."  I'm talking about me and noticing something that's unfair because life is unfair.  I'm not really in on all this.  I think they want to "contain" me and let life unravel like this, in their innocent aspect.  They don't seem to have a point.  Why did they offer me something and then take it away and blame me that no one is excited, about the older lady I like awaiting her fame? and fortune.. and the feelings!  I guess she's going to be happy and maybe in this way, but for some reason people suddenly turned on me but still wouldn't leave me alone.  I might be able to deal with the world, but I'm wondering what to do about the older lady that people keep alluding to because I try to mind my own business but can't seem to have a social life without this and then coming home and people being mean to me emotionally so much maybe since a young age or forever.  I just felt slighted for talking about the older lady like I have anything to do with her, but who does?  Did I just drop out?

They were joking that this wouldn't end because they're gay.

Do you think it hurts when something I post is considered unimportant like I've been posting?

The people monitoring me in private act mean to me a lot / "all the time."  Is that so my dad can feel comfortable?

What if people stay this way?

My issue is not the older lady but my dad.  The older lady has fun because like most people she isn't Asian with my dad.

I can never be happy because of my dad.

The people monitoring me in private may not really be doing anything.

It's funny how people are doting on the older lady I like all around, and my body's almost like being flailed into an alleyway, or dungeon.  It's like I wouldn't realize it?


When is my dad emotionally abusing me gonna phase out?  Oh, and I think it's like illegal to say I can't be concerned about it and inhumane and stupid maybe for it not to matter at this point for me.  I feel I'm building my life up, but some intangible things keep bringing me down.

What are these people doing playing "peanut gallery?"

Did some people like this so they could see what I look like when I realize what is happening?


I told my little brother my dying wish, to get off having to take the psychotic med's for my dad.  It's a simple start to a better life, which makes me wonder if my dad is preventing me from having one.  The medicine makes me feel less, a bit more tired, and needing too much sleep to have time to enjoy life on top of "having a life," or career and maybe family.

They are holding out, otherwise, but they keep getting upset if I am naturally upset about it, like that feeling scares them.

They keep being bad to me.

So, why do they make a problem?

Did they make the older lady I like famous only to make me into a problem?

So, I get denied the truth and then later they say, "See?" after I've given up about it.

They keep messing with me between if something is real or not, like it's important to point out.

The people monitoring me in private think I "did something."

I think my dad is mean to me and secretly wants to affect me.

The people monitoring me in private like to hurt me whenever because I can just recover.

They sometimes have a comeback and always see me as bad when I didn't do anything wrong.  I can sense people thinking it's funny, thinking about me?

An Anthem of Me

It seems I met an older lady and often, among others impersonating or maneuvering her, it is swapping places where I don't get anything new anyway... and we are focused on the good parts of meeting someone older, like I "did something," and it's all about her alone meeting older people in these cases and me being sorta ransacked about.

Also, people around me are not being helpful and keep giving off bad influence.

The people monitoring me in private are acting like they're important over me and they have to make me feel bad like the older lady I like left instructions on how to do so for her say.

Do you get a funny feeling you're in trouble for no reason and judged at a microscopic level, while others are not a consideration?

It seems my dad's younger sister, the older one, relaying the message I seem amazing and therefore should matter but that it means being punished for no reason-?  In the end, I'm worse off.

So, I sleep more, but it's probably me being tired from when I worked and didn't get as much sleep.

It seems like an older lady I like actually thought of the idea that I am annoying to her and the people monitoring me in private said it's true.  Like, if I stop doing something so I have more time to myself or for other things etc. that maybe I dwell on the older lady differently.  I'm trying to stay out of trouble.

People are following me and punishing me if they don't like what I say.

Joking Like I'm in Prison Indefinitely

As anyone would say, no one has the right to act like I'm locked up socially.

Some people think they can tell me what to do and use something someone else does with it or something like everyone has the same exception, no problem, no questions asked.

They keep taking what ruins the relationship.

My brother secretly upset me and surprised me when he said hi at a funny time.

He sat there not moving so I went by.


Do you think that's why my little brother is upset but crazy, thinking he can punish me?  They are ruining the older lady I like, like they always do, some new thing that might be important each time like many times every day for years.