What's bothering me is I get stuck with people annoying me while the older lady I like is worshiped, also maybe involved like she has these bad things happen to ruin it for me maybe, like that's all anyone will ever "let" me amount to.  It's getting "disgusting."  I didn't agree to all these people dominating me and singling me out as shit..., and it's like she of the people monitoring me in private is mad at what I do in private with it.